Have you guys ever heard the saying “Well you may not always like your family but you still have to love them because they are your family.”? My question is, do you really have to love your family? I think my answer may surprise you because I would say no.
A lot of people will say yes. That is because those people are lucky and have a great family. They enjoy spending time with their family. Their family has a bond that cannot be easily broken because they love each other unconditionally. While their family may fight and get on each other’s nerves they know that when push comes to shove their family will be there for them when they need help.
Unfortunately, I am NOT one of those lucky people. In fact, the only family member that I can say, without a moment’s hesitation, will be there when I need them is my mom. She is the only family member that I am really close to….so my response would be no…. you don’t have to love your family.
I’m not even remotely close to any of my extended family.
There are only three reasons that my extended family on my mom’s side wants anything to do with me….
1...When mom is not answering her phone…. because heaven forbid she not answer…. heaven forbid!!!! I mean, how dare she have a life that comes between her and answering her phone? So when mom doesn’t answer they will call or text me to tell mom to call them back. This is also the only time they call me directly. The rest of the time they communicate with me through mom.
2...When they have a question because they know that I work in a state office. So they call mom to “talk” to her and then ask her to ask me their question…. because they know that I won’t answer the phone if they call me and they know that even if I did I wouldn’t answer their questions. This is so frustrating because I answer questions all…. day…. long at work. So when I am off I don’t like to think about work yet here come more questions. And it never fails…. you tell somebody that you work in a state office and their response is, “Really? I have a question for you.” One question quickly turns into 5 billion so I try not to tell anyone where I work…but the family already knows. I try to tell them that it is $13 a question…. I figure might as well make some money if they insist on asking…. but they always think I’m joking.
3...If they need money or want me to cosign on a loan for them. My response to either request is NO because I know my family!!!!!! Requesting money from me is always an interesting situation because most of the time it is some ridiculous amount that I don’t even have. It’s like they think that because I work for the state I have a tree that grows money…. Yeah NO…. I work for the state which means I’m BROKE!!!!! Plus, I know that any money that leaves my hands and enters my extended family’s hands…. I’m NOT getting back!!!!
The request for cosigning would be more manageable if I knew nothing about my family. The ones that ask for money are always complaining about how they can’t pay their car payments or they don’t have money for food…. yet one family member spends $200 a month on cigarettes (quit smoking and you can buy food)! I always say no because I KNOW that they would default on their loan and then I would have to start making the payments or run the risk of my credit history taking a hit! No thank you…. I’m just starting to get my credit to improve from where I screwed it up, on my own, when I was first on my own…. I don’t need somebody else messing it up.
Now on to the other side….my dad. I haven’t spoken to my dad in a few years; just before my parents’ divorce finalized. We were never close…. partly because we are so much alike, as much as it pains me to say. We fought a lot. The only thing we really bonded over were computer things and some movies….so we mainly avoided each other.
As for the extended family…. they are okay…most of them. The only member I really had a problem with was my grandmother but she has passed so I don’t want to speak ill of the dead…. needless to say we weren’t close. I’m not really close to any of my paternal extended family. I am friends with a couple of members on Facebook so I get the occasional update on what is going on…get invited to the occasional family get together but I always decline. Partly because I don’t want to run the risk of running into dad but mostly because I am uncomfortable in those situation.
I have always kind of felt like an outsider in my family. I didn’t really seem to have a lot in common with any of them, which makes for a lonely childhood….and a lonely life.
The truth is that some of us were dealt a shitty hand when it comes to family while others were lucky enough to get an amazing family to share their lives with. Some of us were given a family that we want nothing to do with and who want nothing to do with us. Some of us have a family that is nothing but pure drama, chaos, and instability. Not much we can do about the family we are born into. Sometimes the best option to get yourself out of the chaos and into some form of stability is to cut ties with your family. It’s sad and painful because while they drive you crazy they are still family….so it’s not easy cutting ties and being on your own…. that is what I chose to do, despite the pain that I didn’t expect….
All that is left when you were dealt a bad hand in terms of family is to create your own family. A family filled with people who love you for who you are. People who understand you and don’t judge you. People who want to spend time with you NOT for what you can do for them but because they enjoy spending time with you. That is what family is suppose to be. Relatives do not always equal family.
So yeah…maybe you do have to love your family…. you just DON’T have to love, or even like, your relatives!!!!! Huh, who would have guessed?
I don’t have a big family….in fact it’s rather tiny…. but maybe with time I can create a family here. A big family from all over the world that share things in common and that enjoy hanging out together…even if it is over the internet. Until then I still have my tiny family which is enough…. for now. Still gets a little lonely sometimes, having such a tiny family, but I would rather be lonely then have to spend some quality, awkward time with my relatives who contribute nothing but drama and fakeness because to me being in that situation is more lonely than being alone.
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